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wow...

I can't believe how ignorant some people are.

I went on AS chat last night, and was completely ignored. I finnaly got fed up and said somethings, told the girl in there that if they were talking in private it was probably best if they got a messenger service to talk through, still no response. I finally left. People come into chat because they need to talk about things, sometimes only to know that someone else is there listening. I got niether of those last night. I then wake up to get this message from her telling me that she thought my remark was snotty. I mean seriously!! The way they are acting is part of the reason that we lost chat in the first place.

Whatever, people are jsut ignorant, thinking only about themselves. I guess that is why i haven't been on AS in so long...I haven't felt at home there in a while, I guess its still the case, with some very inconsiderate people there, i don't think i want to be there anymore.

I know this message is going to get a lot of people pissed, but at the moment, I'm to mad to care

so......

interesting day today.....I should start off with this: Most, if not all, of you who read this know that I was sexually assaulted in college. It will be 4 years come the 31st, and 3 years in May.

I did something for myself today that I have been wanting to for awhile. I got a tattoo. Its not just anything, it really does have meaning. Its a teal survivor ribbon with butterfly wings around it.



I wanted a way to symbolize my survival. It doesn't define who I am, but yet it helped make me who I am today.

I've learned from many fellow survivors about the symbol of butterfly wings, how we go from being a caterpillar after our assaults and as we take our healing journey we get our wings. This image has stayed with me all this time, and I knew it was finally time to do this for myself.

I want to thank everyone here who has been apart of my journey, it might seem so important but this tattoo is also my way of remembering all of you.

an interesting update....

there is a new addition to the Drew family, namely that of a nearly 9 week old kitten. I rescued him from Petland, one of those horrible puppy and kitty places. I know its not the same as rescuing one from the APL, but I still feel like he is better off here then in that same cage.

We brought him home on Wednesday, just before I had to go to class, he is now sitting contentedly in my lap, kneading my leg as I type this. Before he was insisting that he write this post himself, he kept walking on the keyboard and deleting everything I typed. The first night we had him home is was the typically kitten, running around, getting into everything. The second day all he did was sleep, he wouldn't' even go to the food dish or the litter box, even when we would take him there. We called the vet that was listed on the paperwork from the store and they said to bring him in because he hadn't eaten in over 24 hours at that point. We did and it turned out that he injured his foot in some way, either here or at the store, but the doctor was worried about an infection because he had a high temp, so she gave him a shot of cortisone and antibiotics, and sent us home with more. he has nto enjoyed the every 12 hour medicine feeding, and neither has my mom who he bite hard enough to draw blood when she tried to give it to him!

Today, though, he has been the typical kitten, running around through every toy we got him, eating, pooping and meowing like crazy! He is the most vocal cat I've ever seen, but also the most loving. He is so attached to me already that I can barely take the time to go the bathroom and shut the door before he starts crying. It would be cute if it wasn't so heartbreaking. I wonder what they did to him at the store.

He doesn't have a name as of yet but the choices are as follows:

Alexander - as in Alexander the Great, mostly because he acts like he owns the house already and everyone is his servant

Apollo

Miroku - a character from Inuyasha who is a "love boy" and womanizer, which this cat definately is, he seems to think that they only use for your hand, or any portion of your body is to either hold, touch or pet him. oh, i almost forgot....climb on


I'm leaning towards Miroku, just because it seems to fit him so well. (VOTES ON THIS TOPIC ARE APPRECIATED)


Pictures will be coming soon, but int he mean time just to let you know he is black and white spotted, one black ear and one white. and the shape of a saddle down his back in black.

I will say this....I still miss my puppy, she was the last thing dad ever gave me before he died and she meant the world to me. I'm not replacing her, I just wanted to give my love of animals to some other creature and i know Precious ( my puppy) wouldn't' have minded a house mate because she acted so much like a kitten herself.

Tags:

Life sucks at the moment....

.....and doctors are idiots.

I have come to this conclusion after another stay in the hospital, this time for 5 days. I have unbearable stomach pain and i have been vomiting blood. Ok, serious right? i thought so, thats why i went to the ER at 2 in the morning. Fun thing to do when you are driving to the ER? pull over TWICE to throw up! I get there and I get hooked up to all types of machines, they begin to have plans to do a blood transfusion because I've thrown up again and they have tested it for blood. Chest X-ray, EKG, the works. They can't figure it out from the basic stuff they do in the ER, which i figured would be the case, so they admit me. Get up the room, its now 6:30 in the morning and call mom in michigan, she panics and heads out to come home. they have me on heavy duty pains killers so I sleep most of the time, and i dont' eat. mostly befcause the sight of food makes me sick. a day in and I have an endoscopy schedualed. Meet the doctor one time, thats it. I dont' even see him before the procedure. Then, get back up to the room, don't hear anythign from any of the doctors for 2 days, even after asking. Mom and I ahve to beg a nurse to tell us anything. ENDO came up normal...ok...so whats next?
Dr. Laura Davis, a.k.a. bitch from hell, comes in. "Everything came back fine",
ok....so?
"we are going to take you off pain meds"
...HUH?, I'm dying from pain over here and you want to stop them?
" we can do a pelvic exam, but i dont' think it will show anything then I will send a surgeon to see you as the last effort"
.....umm....since when are we talking surgery?

she then walks out, and mom leaves. This creepy looking man walks in, intorduces himself as a surgeon. asks me what meds I'm on, and touches my stomach exactly 2 times, says that I'm not a candidate for surgery and walks out.....WTF?!?!?


then involves the 2 hour crying moment I had because i asked 3 times in that amount of time for pains meds and was ignored.

I walked about of the hospital AMA.....I'm still in horrible pain and still throwing up. I've tried to eat and everything comes back up, and I'm at a loss for what to do now.

so that is my past week in a nut shell, fun isn't it?

Still sick.....

well....I'm still sick. I was getting better the other day, but today was worse. I can barely breath and I've been using the breathing machine as much as I'm allowed. I think it might partly be because of the heat and humidity around here, but I'm not sure. My doctor has me on Avelox and Celebrix, (I think that is how they are spelled) one is for the inflammation in my lungs and the other is an antibiotic.

Since I'm not really up to doing a lot of physical stuff I've mostly been resting and getting ready to go back to school on Monday. My schedule for the Fall is:
Monday and Wednesday from 7-9:40 pm: Ceramics II
Tuesday and Thursday from 1:30-2:45pm: Intro. to Sociology
"" and "" from 4:00-5:50 pm: Beginning Algebra I
Tuesday from 7:30-10:10pm: English 1020

I'm having to retake the math class because of my hospital stay this summer, other then that I'm looking forward to all my classes especially Ceramics.

On other school related news, I've been looking at different colleges and universities that I'm interested in. I want to stay close to home because of mom and my illnesses. I'm looking at the University of Akron, University of Toledo, and Baldwin Wallace College. All of them have my intended major of Art Education, its just a matter of deciding where to go. I think i will probably be transferring next fall, since i want to finish my associate degree first. So if anyone has any advice, i would love to hear it!!

-------------------------------

In other news, I'm having issues with Christian. She has moved in with us since she graduated from college. Its cool because she and i are such good friends, but like all friends we seem to get into fights. She is more like my sister then just a friend, and i guess that means are fights can be truly bad. We have a tendency to fight by not talking to each other, which is annoying considering that I'm home alone with her since mom went to Michigan. Let me explain. Mom and i got a storage unit because we wanted to give Christian a room of her own. Mom has always slept on the couch since Dad died in 1994, so we have an extra bedroom. We've been moving stuff there for awhile and its taken a long time. Christian seems to have this tendency to have us move everything into storage. Its hard because there is so much stuff, but it seems like she doesn't want us to have anything that is important to us here at the house. We've gotten into because she wants to do all this moving stuff to storage while mom is gone, jsut to get it out of the house. Besides not wanting to do this without mom, I'm to sick to be doing all this crap, and the heat makes it hard to breath. Also she wants to have her sister and cousin, age 7 and 8 respectively, over at the house all the time. She wanted to go to the movies with them on Friday, but I don't want to get the kids sick so i don't' want to go. I don't know whats wrong with me. I have such a hard time standing up to her, I think its mostly that i don't want to lose her as a friend. She is really the only person i have here. I don't socialize so i guess I'm afraid of being alone.

There is something else that has been bothering me about her. She has a boyfriend names Zach. Whenever he is here, or calls, i get completely ignored and it just seems like she is using me. I hate this feeling. She acts like i don't exists and then only wants me around so i can drive her places. I type all this out here, but I can't seem to work up the courage to talk to her about it.

*sigh* oh well, what can you do?


--------------------------------


I have a psych appointment on the 8th, this is the first one in about 6 months. Its been so long because my original doc left the practice and I had to get a new one. At first they didn't want to let me see a doctor again because it had been so long and they thought that i had been off my medication, but I had been getting my meds through my general practice doctor. Also it was their fault that I hadn't gotten to see the new doctor, I kept calling and bugging them, but they never called me back.

well, I'll close for now!!
so....life really knows how to throw crap in my direction, though not everything recently is bad. Right now I have pneumonia. Always fun. I've been coughing up my lungs for the past 3 days and I have fluid and other crap in my ears. its like having cotton stuck in my ears all the time. Perfect timing, since I start school on monday.

Other then that, I have been accepted into the honors society at school. I have a 4.0 GPA for 2 semesters. I'm very excited!

well, i know this is a short update, but i can't stop coughing long enough to add more, so i will close for now

7/6/07

What color is your soul painted?

Purple

Your soul is painted the color purple, which embodies the characteristics of sensuality, spirituality, creativity, wealth, royalty, nobility, mystery, enlightenment, arrogance, gaudiness, mourning, confusion, pride, delicacy, power, meditation, religion, and ambition. Purple falls under the element of Earth, and was once a European symbol of royalty; today it symbolizes the divine.

Personality Test Results

Click Here to Take This Quiz

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wow, has it really been that long?

It seems that its been over a month since I last updated, so here goes.

I've been a bit sick as of late and as such I've missed about 2 weeks of school. That wouldn't be such a horrible thing if it weren't for it being summer session where we only have 10 weeks instead of 16. I've been in the hospital for roughly 2 weeks at this point because of a horrible pain in my upper stomach. After a disturbing, trigger, and uncomfortable endoscopy, that have found that I have an inflamation in the lining of my stomach and small intestines. Anyone surprised that this happened, please raise your hand! Anyway they have me on Nexium which just adds to the 8 different meds that I have to take on a daily basis. I've had to drop 3 of my classes for this summer and because it is so late I have no chance of getting back any of the money I've paid so far. I'm still registered in Ceramics II, but I will have to talk to my instructor to see if there is any chance I can catch up or if I should drop that class too. Luckily he is one of the best teachers I've had ( yes, he ranks up there with Professor Lucy from wooster!). I have that class tonight so I shall know by about 4:30 or so what I should be doing.

Its now 7:30 in the morning here and I've been up since 5. I had a sleep study done last night and I somehow managed to get to bed befor 10pm last night. So many sticky things on me I never thought I would get to sleep.....why did that sound like a horrible sentence? anyway, I've been up this early....never, so we shall see what the day brings. I'm hope that I can maybe take a nap before class tonight considering that I have to be there until 10pm.

On other realted news, I still think plans to go to Healing Though Creativity are still in the works. I know that Haullie won't be able to attend this year, but I think that my mom might be coming with me which will be nice and strangely interesting all at the same time. She wants to see what it is all about but she has said that she will give me time to myself while we are there too. That is cmoing up in a few short weeks so I will ahve to save a bit of extra money. George though, being the sweetheart that he is, is still getting me a free hotel room. He was also one of the members that did Voices of Strength with me. I can't believe its already Jully 2007 and I haven't listened to the CD yet. I mean I've heard my story and several other but I ahven't yet found the strength to listen to it all the way through. I hope that I can get to a place that I can listen to it soon. I hate to dissappoint all the wonderful survivors that did the CD with me, and Haullie especially by not being strong enought to listen to it.

On another side note, I've been doing a bit more energy work and dedicating myself more to my faith. Its really helped me through this time and I know that the more I work at it the strong my link to the Lord and Lady will be. (I know several of you on here won't understand what in the world I'm talking about but thats ok, lol).

I guess I'll close for now. I hope it won't be another 5 weeks before I update again.